It's 3:27 am, that blurry line between Friday night and Saturday morning. I should probably not be writing a post right now. If anything, I should be sleeping, or writing the paper that was due for my English class a week ago, or convincing myself that lamenting the fact that EBAs is closed won't make it any less closed (if you come here, you'll understand).
But, as the term is drawing to a close, and as I can't seem to find inspiration to do much of anything during the day, I suppose: why not. Why not, indeed? The theme of this term, if I might be so bold to say so. But, truly, the inspiration for this post comes from a conversation:
"How are you doing?" She asked so earnestly.
"I'm alright..." I answered, ambivalent.
"Just alright?"
"No," I paused. "You know what, I'm great. It's like it's the middle of the Great Depression and I happened to go to a really good party. That's how I feel."
She laughed and touched my arm sympathetically.
Almost every day someone says to me something along the lines of, "Alexis, your life is ridiculous." And I always laugh and take it as a compliment, whether or not it was intended that way. But it's true- this term my life has been ridiculous. And most of the moments of joy I've had are just like going to a really good party in the midst of a really bad time. It's not Dartmouth's fault; it's not anyone's fault- not even mine, although sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself. Dartmouth is strange in that for all of the obstacles its thrown in my path this term, its given me just has many hands to help me over them. At my moments of disillusionment with the people or attitudes of Dartmouth, I happen to run into someone who proves me wrong.
I think that this post is fast losing its coherency. I'm too exhausted to draw a general conclusion about Dartmouth from this post- perhaps only to say that I don't think there are general conclusions to be drawn. I've felt terrifically lost this term, and although I've found my way to a few footholds, I don't see any cohesiveness to them. All I know is that it's 3:54 in the morning, and I just spent the night dancing to a cover version of the Ghostbusters theme song. My life is, indeed, ridiculous.
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Wow. You know, I have applied Early Decision to Dartmouth for the Class of '15. And listening(not really - just that your words sound that way) to you guys and listening to my current favourite song (Shattered by Trading Yesterday - not that there is any relation) makes me feel so great about Dartmouth. I really want to come to this extraordinary place next year - not as a traveller but as a freshman.
ReplyDeleteP.S: I know I make NO SENSE right now.
Okay, so I get to know about the fate of my Class of 15 result in four days. Geez, I'm so excited and so nervous. And so tensed and so giddy. IF I DO GET IN, I'll consider it nothing short of a miracle.!
ReplyDelete:)
Great blog Alexis. I follow you pretty regularly and I just wanted to let you know that you're an amazing writer. Blog more often though. Have a good day!
Hello anonymous (potential) '15s! Thank you so much for your comments... as I tell those who give me positive feedback, it is for you that I continue to write.
ReplyDeleteTo the second commenter - I wrote a new entry, just for you.